Back At Square One

We grow and get smarter and wiser in life. But when we have our low points in our lives we forget or may be blown back to square one. Losing a job can be a very stressful thing and in this economy its hard. But what they don't tell you is not only do you knot have a steady paycheck coming in. That you will start to doubt your self worth and the self esteem will bottom out. I have been there like everyone else when you don't have a pot to piss in. Broken but still alive going through the motions of everyday life. Usually when we are in this state we tend to forget everything we have learned so far. Its like being a baby and learning to walk and talk again from baby steps. Many things can cause us to get back to square one. A death in the family or a bad breakup can do it as well. After the fact we start to rip and put together everything to find some relief. The only thing that can cure a broken heart or grief is time. We need time to heal and get back to where we were before all of the drama started. What can help when these things are people that actually care or what to see you get over it. It can be a stranger that will lift you up and make you feel like yourself again. Or it could be a close friend that is showing they love you and are there for you. Like I said before true friends will be there for you when you are in the darkest hour. They will help you find your way back to the light of life. I was always taught not to laugh at someone that is having a bad time. Its bad karma to kick someone when they are down. Its not something I would do and I don't wish any harm on anyone no matter if they were an asshole to me or not. I was talking to my friends about the bad breakup I had. I told them then despite the way I was treated I still loved him. My friend asked me how can you still love him? I told him I can't shut off the way I feel about someone. Even if they were dead wrong in the way they handled things. I could lie and say that I don't have any love for that person. But then I would be lying and I'm not good at lying. That's why I am direct with all things in my life. I wish I didn't love that person but sadly I do. I don't feel any love for that person but I know I do love him. Its part of the circle of life you love someone that doesn't love you back. I was sent back to square one on that one but now I'm back to where I was before all of that bullshit and drama happened. I have to say I'm glad to be away from all of that drama and deceit. We all have our low points in life that's the way the cookie crumbles. All we can do is jump to action and get to where we are going.

I Don't Want You

Why is it that straight men think that a gay man wants them? Why do you play like you are Barbara WaWa doing a 20/20 interview? Trying to get all up in your  business and not shameful about it at all. As I have said before sexuality is like a rainbow and many are curious. I don't get how some men call themselves straight. When they are getting their dicks sucked by men. Fucking a man in his ass but still they call themselves straight. Tranny Sniffers call themselves straight as well and they love that Tranny dick. Depending on if they had some fire water or are just feeling lovely. They will see a confident gay man and be attracted to him. They will get mad at being attracted to a man but still its there. They will start a conversation with the gay man and then the interviewing starts. The number one question they will stop you on the street. To ask you if you are gay? I will reply I'm not interested thanks. Then they always say I'm not gay! So I reply then why the fuck are you asking me if I am for? For the curious straight man its a game of cat and mouse. They may be married with some kids or have a girlfriend. Still something is missing in their lives and the know it. They will set themselves up to be in a situation with a gay man. Maybe they will say something like I hurt my back playing football. Can you give me a massage? That is one of the main tricks they use to get the gay man to give them attention. Most gay men don't even bother with straight men. They are good for moving some furniture or fixing your car when it breaks down. It takes a confident straight man to be friends with a gay man. He is secure in his own sexuality and his mind is open. It also takes a patient gay man to be friends with a straight man. Most straight people are clueless when it comes to the opposite sex. They don't even know when the other likes them. We are the ones that train them and help them get that dick or pussy. Then you have the men that see you and can't help but want you. They will come up to you and have to talk to you about something. Maybe they need directions or will talk about sports. They look for an opening and its so apparent. I am not attracted to straight men at all point blank period. Of course if I see some good looking straight man I will look. But that is as far as it goes for me. Why chase after something that you can't have? Even if you can have it it won't be for good. It will be a night of passion if that or ten minutes of lust. I have a friend I will call him Pepper he met a very sexy Italian man. This man was going around saying he was straight but he was very attracted to men. He knew that Pepper was feeling him but he acted like he didn't know. He was staying the whole summer and Pepper was happy because he was spending all that extra time with the Italian man. Anytime that Pepper got close he would always talk about his girlfriend back home. I don't get some people that want to use people. Knowing that they like them but pretending they don't know anything about it. Poor Pepper had fallen head over hills for this player. The player was hooking up with men but just not with Pepper and finally he got over him. He had fallen for this guy which is very dangerous. To be in love with a straight man is not good for the gay man or the straight man. I have had a straight man in love with me before. It could never go anywhere because we were in two different worlds. If you are curious you are curious don't front just be honest. That you are Bi-Curious which is a new word I recently learned. If you don't try you will never know right. Go find another Bi-Curious straight man and you can play house with him. Just leave the gay men alone because if they get too close. They could fall for you and it would be trouble.

The world of Dating

So things have changed and are even more confusing now. On all of the dating apps and sites are happily married men. I don't understand why they are even there. If you are happy then you should not be on a dating site for single men. This trend is strange but it seems to be very popular. Like here in San Francisco you can meet a man that is happily married but still wanting to hook up with you. They only want NSA which is strange to me overall. Why be in a relationship with someone that you don't have sex with? Its just friends and cuddling? really? When did this happen and why are people online looking for things that you get in a relationship in a hookup? I know people straight and gay that are married and unhappy but still. They love their partners and so they stay unhappy but still willing to give it a go. I think honesty is the best policy in relationships. My last one was full of lies and excuses and it was sad. Why are people scared to speak the truth? Real talk is real talk you might not want to hear it. But it needs to be said and that is real talk. Feelings may be hurt and you may get your heart broken. But you will be better off for it. I didn't realize that so many freaks are out here in the dating world. Picky assholes that want perfection. Religious assholes that are lost and can't find their way between being happy. What they think is happiness and what they want out of life. The men that are not even out and want a relationship in the darkness. Hello I'm not eighteen and the doors just popped open. Men confused about their sexuality are tricky and usually they end up with a girlfriend and a man to play on the side. The worst are the men that try to force chemistry on you. Asking for kisses when kisses are not even a thought in the back of your head. Its true every now and then you will meet someone on the same level as you and its magic. But that is rare and it doesn't happen every day. Everyone today seems to be wanting NSA and it sad. Disconnected from the world and living in their own world of no strings attached. Some of us want a bit more than just a piece of gristle. I notice that standards and morals are on an all time low. I think that's why its so hard these days to meet someone of substance. People seem to be nice to a point then they lose interest. I'm not excited to jump back out there in a sea of whores and players. I find myself in shallow waters at the moment and no interest in going on the deep end of the Sea. Maybe I will see a shiny pretty fish that will lure me to the deep. Or maybe I will sit here in the shallow waters and enjoy watching with a good book and my libations.

Do You

Be who you are born to be don't change for anybody. If someone doesn't like you for being yourself. They don't like you at all and its fine you will survive. Live your live and don't worry about what people say about you. I hear people saying oh I will change for this guy I like. That's a big mistake to change for someone to like you. No one is going to treat you the way you treat yourself. In school we are teased for things we have no control over. The way we look our ears,lips,nose,head or body. School is a bubble and those who mature fast usually don't look good by the age of thirty. I was a late bloomer and nerd so it took some time for me to mature. The ugly duckling stage really I had braces, zits and was a bean pole. I wore those ugly plastic glasses that sat crooked on my face. Being called ugly all the time and I was painfully shy. Well jump forward and now I'm fully matured and I don't look anything like I did when I was a teenager. It took me some time to get it together. But I did get it together and never really cared about what people would say about me. In school they make up all kinds of lies about people and most of the time its all lies. According to the kids I went to school with I was having sex in alleys. I didn't even know what sex was back then but I was having it according to them. Gay kids have it the worse or even if they think you are gay they give you a hard time. We are called every name in the book and treated badly. Still those of us who grow up and make it to adulthood. We have tough skin and don't take any bullshit. We had enough as a kid growing up. No one will ever make me feel bad for who am I or what I am. I have a high regard for myself and I always will. I have always marched to the beat of my own drum. I was always a leader and never a follower. If you work at McDonald's or Burger King its still a job. People like to look down on other people for the job they have. A smart kid will not care and will be making that money. Those who are not happy in life will always try to start some shit. You can say whatever you want to say I could care less. Unless that person walks in your shoes for a lifetime. They can shut the fuck up and worry about their own business. Its sad that today's news is more worried about embarrassing some celebrity. I could not imagine having a bad breakup and it be all over the news and internet. Than to worry about world events that need to be addressed. It seems like the media gets off on people's despair and bad luck. Just remember to have good people around you with good energy. Get rid of all the drama in your life and you will be thankful. We all have or have had someone in our lives that needs to go. So do some cleaning and keep it moving...

Blaming Gays for Earthquakes is silly...

So I just read that some religious freak is blaming gays for the earthquake in New York. Hell they blame us for all of the natural things that mother nature does. Its so stupid that they would blame gay marriage for the quakes. While straight men have been begging the women to let them fuck them in their asses since the start of man. Its funny to me that straight people think they can do whatever they want to do. But we can do what we want to do and then blame us for things that happen. Just go look at straight porn they bareback and they love anal just as much as a gay man does. They think because they also love pussy that its ok for them to do it. Ass is ass no matter how you look at it. Two people being together isn't going to set off an earthquake. Hell all the reality TV shows with straight people getting married just for fun. Shit the world should burn down just for that bullshit alone. Marriage is suppose to be so special then why do people do it on TV? Marriage was created for tax purposes and that's about it. If you love someone and want to be with them then be with them. Get some rings and a priest and have at it. There was a time when they said that the different colored races could not marry at all. Now we have so many interracial couples getting married and having babies. In about another fifty years or so everyone will be brown skinned and that will be the way of the land. We need to be worried about all of the happenings going on in the world. Try to figure out a way to stop these deadly earthquakes that kill thousands of people at a time. Stop pointing fingers at gay people we didn't cause any of the earthquakes. If we had that power the hateful homophobic assholes and republicans like Sarah Palin and the lot. Would fall into the earth never to be seen or heard from again. If we had that kind of power we would use it to make people act right. If they didn't they would get the special welcome from mother earth herself. I wonder if there are some prophecy for the men that cheat on their wives. In the churches fucking when no one is there. Or if that baby you told your baby's daddy was his child and it wasn't. If the earth was going to be destroyed for what man has done. It should have been a cloud of dust a long time ago. We are ants on this planet and who we love or fuck has nothing to do with it at all. Only someone who is weak minded  would blame someone for disasters all over the planet. Get a fucking grip and go see a doctor. I'm sure your life isn't squeeky clean so you can have a cup of STFU...

Skimming the surface

At first I didn't want to go see The Help at all because I don't like to see those times. When my people were really going through it with the racist bullshit. Those who have died and been hurt by it paved the way. Still things are far from what they should be and its going to take a long time before we get there. I saw the movie with my mother who is sixty one years old. She is from that era when it was still bad back then. I was a bit uneasy when we first got to the theater and it was full of all white people. Me and my mother were the only blacks in the theater at first. Then finally some more black people came into the theater to see the movie. People that don't live in this country always have something to say about racism and slavery. The thing is they don't live here and don't know our history. This country has a lot of shame for what they did to blacks as well as to the Indians of this land. Anyone who will deny that this country was built on the backs of slaves needs to go read some books. I was glad that the theater was full of whites after I thought about it. That movie only touched on the black women that worked in the homes of whites. It did not even touch on how a black man is treated here in America. Again its sad that you have to take African American Studies to learn the real history of this country. Like the bible the history books have what they want it to have in it. To tell a story a certain way for people to see. I prefer to hear the whole story the true story of things. At first the movie made me uneasy because I have read many of books about those times. I know how my people have been treated and still to this day are treated badly. In the same breath black people have to do better as well. We are the only race I know that is not united. If we were things would be a little better for us. Look at Obama he is the most disrespected President in all of history. All because he is a black boy and he got the top job. I like how they all came together in that movie and it showed the human heart. So many people are racist and its so stupid to hate a whole race. Its fine if its one person and they did you wrong. Hate that person but don't hate all of us for what one person did to you. Life is too short to be getting caught up in some bullshit. Someone I know said why are you so angry? I'm not angry its just life as a black man in America. We have the hardest job of all just being black. We have to work twice as hard as everyone else to get the same respect. I give respect to those women in the movie they were strong women. They had to be back in those times it was very hard on both black men and women. We still have not go to where we need to be. The Tea Party and the Republicans are out and out racist and don't hide it. I have never seen such hate and ignorance being played out in the news. Still a weak minded person will always say that its god's will that made them do this or do that. No you though of that all by your damn self.

Home Training

I noticed that when I was at the airport and on the plane. People will cough,sneeze and snort and not even cover their mouths. I had a man sitting next to me at the airport and he kept coughing. Not covering his mouth and I gave him the look of death. He then covered his damn mouth. I should not have to tell you how to  behave in public. That job goes to who ever raised you. Traveling is stressful enough without having to deal with people's bullshit. Going through the checkpoint is one of them but its for safety. Still its annoying as hell having to remove shoes and all other crap. Then to step into that machine that scans you and you show up naked. On a big screen for who knows to see it and all your goodies. Then having to sit on that plane for hours with the stale air. That seat sucks and then you have to deal with whoever you are sitting next to. Hopefully they have some home training or it can be hell on the flight. I was sitting next to two twelve year boys. Coughing and sneezing the whole time and not covering up their mouths at any point. The classic thing I have seen people do is dig in their ass then go to shake your hand afterwards. I don't know where they do that at but I don't do it. How about wiping your nose on the back of your hand. Then going to shake someone's hand? Bumping into someone or stepping on their shoes. You better say something to me or you will get cussed out. Crowded places like Costco is the worst place to run into them. I should say they will run into you with those shopping carts. There was a older black woman that was yelling at people to get out of her way because she was a senior citizen. Well when she got to me she said the same thing. I told her the only way you will get through here is to say excuse me. She said the magic words and I moved my cart for her. I always here people say they are stuck in the way they act. Like a rude ass fool is what it really is and its not right. I don't care who you are or how old you are. You will get cussed out or beat down if you sneeze and it goes on any part of my body. Those of you who smoke blowing it on people is rude. Show what you want to receive as in respect and manners. Its true to show respect to elders but if they are not showing it. I damn well won't show it back and I won't be kissing any ass either. If someone holds a door open for you say thank you. I'm shocked at how rude people act and it shows no home training at all. If you have small kids make sure they are not kicking the back of someone's seat. You the parent will be the one getting cussed out for real. If the kids don't know how to act in public please keep those brats at home. No screaming or running around causing chaos at all. I notice parent's let their kids just run wild and do whatever they want to do. In a park that's fine but not at the movies or when I'm eating.

Get Over It Already Damn

I keep seeing people saying I'm tired of gay shit. Well we are tired of your shit as well. We can't walk down any street and hold hands or kiss. You can so shut the fuck up already. Because of the Media and the Internet as well as Movies and TV Shows. Gays are now getting some spotlight time. We even have our own channel its only one but its a start. Straight people need to get over the fact that Gay people are here. We want to be happy just like everyone else does. We don't want any of the Devil's spawn running around you take care of that. Breeding every minute and over populating the planet. Do you remember when you could actually go somewhere and it not be crowded? Those days are long over with and its sad. We need to stop the Mormons and Jehovah's Witnesses from breeding too much. People are trying to protect their spawn by keeping them in the dark. Knowledge is power and kids need to be educated. If you don't teach them at home they will learn at school. You would think that people would have learned that when you are very strict with someone. They will bust out and be a big ole freak in the bed. The people that are lost are the worst ones of all. If you want things your way go buy a damn island and live on it. Other than that you will have to deal with all kinds of people. We all need to get along we have to live together. People here in California can take a lesson from the Mid West. Well the part I'm from anyway people actually are nice and its a good thing. Still people all over have a problem with who and how you fuck. But in the same breath they can fuck their wives or girlfriends up their ass. Or beg to do it and its a double standard. Have you noticed that the straight men and women can do what they want? But because we are gay we are going to hell in a handbag. The only person that can tell you something is the creator himself. If you don't have that name tag on sit the fuck down. Worry about your kids and stinky pussy that needs to be cleaned out. Or worry about washing your skeeted up ass and brush those teeth. Pay a bill and get some rest but stop worrying about what I'm doing. I can tell you right now I don't give a rat's ass about what you do or who you do. When you walk a lifetime in my shoes then you can speak on it. Until then worry about you and yours. I have never cared about what people say about me. Say what you want it won't help you sleep better at night. I'm sleeping just fine at night and so should you. This is real fucking talk and I approve this message....